i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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