She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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