return my video game
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
