I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We need to rekindle our bromance
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
