i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
false alarm. still invincible.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
