all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
