He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
