The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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