i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
