i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
