My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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