Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
