the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
