My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize