I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
