Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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