wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
