I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
