I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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