i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
