I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
