hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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