Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
