Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
