Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
where am i from again
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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