ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
