Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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