you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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