i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize