she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
