Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we're chasing vodka with high fives
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
