This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
