So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wanna passion pit in your ass
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
