You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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