I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
