i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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