i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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