so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
