Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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