on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
