You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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