Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
