My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
