i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
