just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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