PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
