we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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