she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize