He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
