So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
