I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
