so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
