you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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