cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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