If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
