So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
