there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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