she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just had sex on a roof
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
