and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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