best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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