I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize