It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
