I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
