I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
