Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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