There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
