Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
