I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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